Thursday, 28 January 2016

Vanity

Thursday, 28 January 2016 11:30 pm
seryn: tea (virgin tea)
Today when I got my hair cut, I looked at the floor afterward and all the hair was still dark but it wasn't anything approaching brown (which is my normal color). It's all that dark gray color, like if you had black fabric and left it in the sun for too long.

I've been dyeing the temples and streaking the leftover dye through the rest. But now it looks like that's a delusion I cannot allow myself. Dye or do not, there is no touch up in "just the gray spots".

I did an all-over brown tonight. I still get at least 4 uses out of a single-use dye box because I have such short hair. You can't mix in the containers they give you multiple times, but lids from a quart of yogurt work pretty good.

When I was a child I didn't understand why my mother dyed her hair. Admittedly if I were still married I might find it easier to let it go. But the thought of trying to date with gray hair really terrifies me. Okay so I admit that I'd rather meet attractive men who are my age, but most of them are divorced with children. It's a little shallow of me, but I'd kind of like to date someone 15 years younger. Not, you know, repeatedly. But the idea of being able to attract someone who is still pretty and hasn't given up entices. No idea how I could be so vain since I didn't care before.

There was something I saw where the guy's parents were thinking about divorcing because they thought there must be something better out there. The whole thing goes by and he doesn't know what to say because he is divorced and dating sucks. He finally tells his parents to get a divorce if they want to but to remember that now when they're dating they'll have to get naked with someone new. I'm pretty terrified of that myself actually.

I'm kind of hoping that I can be pretty enough and nice enough to be attractive while still being emotionally healthy. Keeping my fingers crossed that TV is wrong about what happens on first dates. All those women on TV who sleep with guys they've just met... their apartments are clean. My sheets have bleach spots on them from when I was bleaching my hair to dye it blue (the blue didn't stick to the sheets either.) My flannel sheets don't match since mix and match the fitted and regular and one of them almost dissolved from wear. My kitchen and bathroom are clean, but I'm sure not having a sleepover. Wonder what real people do when they decide they want to have an intimate relationship with someone they're dating? Because we know no one keeps their house in that kind of state all the time.

Next I'll have to vacuum in order to keep up my vanity.

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