seryn: flowers (Default)
[personal profile] seryn
I got a RL pintrest account today. It turns out that is a portmanteau of Pin and Interest, and is not pronounced Pee-Interest. That does make it less icky.

People are coming to help with my apartment. It's time to admit that I can't live like this.

Those were kind of related because I'm supposed to set goals for what my life should be like and if all I have to do is browse and click things, I might be able to see a trend. So far, I tend to like things that are purple. Which is no surprise.

I do actually like the scary scary cross-pollination between fb and pintrest. It's very convenient. But is a reminder that EVERYONE can see what I like and that this will counted when I apply for jobs or encounter any new people who are social media savvy. Pintrest doesn't bother me because it's the liking of other people's stuff, it doesn't say that I'm going to *get* any of it. It doesn't even say that I *want* any of it. I like purple furniture pictures. I'm really not going to buy a Versace lounge thing.

A lot of what I would buy for this apartment is taking into account the building's water problems. A lot of what I will actually get is going to be about what's cheap because I'm unemployed and it's going to get destroyed anyway.

I have decided something that is my primary parameter in people to keep in my life. No matter what I decide, I want to be loved just the same. That means people who don't love me (work or professional) that's fine if it's stable. Friends can't decide I'm someone they want to be close to based on some choice I made... they can grow closer or further, but not based on a single point choice. That needs to be a trend. I can't deal with living my life to make other people like me more. It's really bad for me, it's hard to determine, and it's the kind of thing that makes the other person into a monster if it works.

It turns out that there are people who dislike me admitting that I can't deal with my life as it is and that I need help. There seem to be a lot of women who think needing cleaning help is a problem. There seem to be a lot of people who think needing therapy is a problem. Most of the perspective seems to be that if you're a "real person" then you suck it up and cope because only rich people can get help. But it's not true. It wasn't hard to find people to help when I was young, you could ask work colleagues to help you move if you bought pizza and returned the favor. I've seen social-cause social groups like that now too. What it turns out is that if you're poor (like just post-student poor) you have friends in the same boat and can help each other. If you're wealthy you can hire professionals for help. It's only the people in the middle who aren't *allowed* to need help. So the people who dislike me for not being able to pull things together by myself... who resent my choices... I don't want them in my life.

I mostly feel overwhelmed. I'm not really good at making decisions I can't take back when I don't know how well I'll like the results.
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