Sometimes I'm extremely witty and I surprise myself. I promise that this meshes with the subject line, which is quoted from Peter's Evil Overlord List
, which in itself is also witty and apropos.
I've just finished second breakfast (that potato method I mentioned earlier this week) and there's still coffee left. This makes me relatively cheerful. Hell. I'm actually warm, even in the feet.
So let me share the funny.
(There's a lot of setup for this, and for that I apologize.)
There is a popular yarn store near me. Pretty much all knitting social activities are populated by people who can trace their knitting "lineage" back there. (I learned on craft store yarn from library books, and in the knitting world that makes me the Masai tribesman living in Norway trying to make a living modeling Norwegian national swim team gear. Add in my unfeminine mannerisms--- especially social conventions-- and I really do not belong, even though I now eschew craft store yarns.) My experience shopping at this store is that it's somewhere where there is no parking on the street and even half a block off the main street is too dangerous to walk alone... it's certainly not safe to park there because the whole block is rimed with broken glass. It hardly matters whether I liked the store itself, it's impossible for something like that to be popular just because of logistics, right? Well, apparently not.
When I went into the store, I was looking for my first sweater's worth of real yarn. I'm a fat woman, I need at least L shirts if I don't want people to be able to read bra labels through the fabric. For a sweater, I'm not going to want it tight. I was going to be buying at least $80 of yarn, and a similar size friend spent $300 on her yarn. But even though I was standing at the counter with my yarn to be purchased, the clerk looked right through me, picked up the phone and placed a personal telephone call. Then a really skinny woman came in and shouted loudly that she wanted to make a baby bib. So the clerk jumped up and ran over. I said, "Pardon me, I am ready to check out and I have been waiting." The clerk said nothing and spent several minutes actively helping baby hat woman and trying to convince her to make a sweater for herself too. (The baby hat would probably take more yarn.) I blinked at the deliberate snub, set my yarn on the counter, and walked out without the clerk saying anything. (I've never been back.)
Recently I was talking to a friend about sweater patterns and how they get longer as they get wider, and how that makes no sense. I said, "The only thing added length means is that you'd buy extra yarn that the yarn store clerks would snub you for needing. That's the only explanation I can think of as for why a 24"-bust woman would get more attention than someone twice her size [in a yarn store]."
It was suggested that I am invisible. (This is not actually a new idea. It happens universally in JCPenney. I have to bring someone with me or the cashiers cannot see me at all. And it's been like that for 20 years. I've actually been tempted to stand on the counter and jump up and down with my Visa card so all the other customers point at me. My SO and I stood at the counter about 5 years ago; I had an armload of things he wanted to buy, the woman asked him, "Sir, did you have a question?" He said no, he was ready. And she said, "Where are your selections?" It was astounding.)
I replied (to the invisible comment), "But the Invisible Man put on
clothes in order to be seen. The way the yarn store people act, they think I'm going to become the Emperor and need "new clothes". But they've got the wrong kind of Emperor, I'm thinking more like Palpatine."