sometimes you feel like a nut

[seryn]

When I was at the drugstore today, I noticed that there is a new absorbancy of Tampax tampon, "ultra". Extremely unfortunately, it's the same color as the "lite" variant. Š No one is going to be unhappy to get those confused.š

Idiots.

Personally I would prefer if they could stop with the marketing names and just put the absorbancy rating in numbers on the box.

The coffee woman, who was with me when I saw this, says she buys the "super" ones because they're so obviously good, they're super. I employed several weeks worth of tact. I didn't point out the "super plus" kind. ;-)

I think I'm not the right kind of person to be a "real woman" some days. Like today when I picked out what I'd really like for clothing storage: http://www.amazon.com/Seville-Classics-SHE16510-Commercial-7-Shelf/dp/B001O4A42K
I love this thing. It would be perfect if the sliding bins were a clear purple. I suppose it might be nice if there was a rod going around the top for a thin curtain to be strung around. I looked to see if that company makes other bins. They don't. It's possible the bins will smell weird or have harsh edges. Some of the pictures show the bins filled with nails or screws. I was just thinking that I could use the dividers and have my underwear sorted by color. And it would be easy to pull the drawer/bin all the way out so I could see what I was looking at in the full light. There wouldn't be panties that get lost in the back of the drawer because they're the smooth black ones for wearing under fitted slacks (the ones meant to minimize panty lines) and I can't see them.

No women like practical things. That's how you get tampons that are marketed so "regular" women feel inferior, as if successful menstruation should be rated by volume shed?

I know all the names of the regular sport professional sports teams, which city they're in, and what sport they play. I can't tell you who is hitting the most home runs this season or if there have been a lot of shut outs in football in the past year. But if I keep my bras and panties in a giant toolbox, do you think the guys would let me into their clubhouse?

Comments

[corrvin]

"That's how you get tampons that are marketed so "regular" women feel inferior, as if successful menstruation should be rated by volume shed?"

INTERIOR: Camera pans around a beautifully spotless white-walled modern house, to the sofa, which is a shocking dark red. A woman lies on the sofa, in red sweatpants, a red t-shirt, clutching a red bowl of popcorn and a red box of chocolates.

Queen's "We are the Champions" begins to play in the background as...

DISSOLVE TO:

A box showing new! Playpax Ultra-Super-Mondo-Jumbo Flow.

[seryn]

*laughing until tears leak out of the corners of my eyes*

You should totally go into marketing! I think your sense of humor would do a lot for reaching the rest of the target audience.

I don't understand why bleeding more is "better".
It goes from: lite, regular, super, super plus, to ultra...

If I was really needing an "ultra" tampon, I think I'd go get a hysterectomy to make sure that deadly hemorrhage would be sealed off surgically and never coming back.

Of course the after shot after enpicturing the tampons for your commercial would be her sitting on a white couch and wearing white pants. etc.

[seryn]

Although I think the woman should be hurling globs of pureed meat around her pristine room in the before shot of your commercial...

I about died laughing when I suggested (in our external conversation) that one might as well shove a Muppet up there. That's totally going to be my euphemism from now on. "Excuse me, I need a new Muppet."

[corrvin]

We refer to them as "little cotton mousies."

Yeah, I want a slo-mo shot of the woman and several friends having a sort of "food fight" in the kitchen with wine-marinated chunks of beef.

[scheherezhad]

This reminds me of the fact that I have wanted to headdesk like crazy a couple of times recently over a new Kotex commercial. Apparently they prettied up their U line so they're not "bland." Now your pads can be highlighted in fancy colors! Isn't that great?!

So, cue my need to punch someone, because I don't need colorful cotton to bleed on. If it's in my crotch, I don't give much of a damn how it looks; it just needs to work.

(I do, however, use Always Infinity because those suckers are awesome, but don't get me started on how much I hate their "Have a happy period" slogan. It's almost enough to make a woman switch to reusable cloth pads.)

[seryn]

I buy whichever Always product comes in the longest variant. That brand's longest is longer than the other brand's longest. But I was really ticked off that I had to buy them both to find that out. Someone should make them print the dimensions of the pad on the box/bag.

I haven't heard that slogan. You're right that its enough to get me to stop buying their brand.

(I stopped buying Northern toilet paper because they showed cartoon women quilting it by hand. I prefer that my toilet paper not be directly handled before I get it. I also don't buy the ones with babies on the package. It was hard to find toilet paper that wasn't so horribly mis-marketed and yet wasn't a hideous product.)

They make colored feminine hygiene products? Insanity. And, um. I usually put the pads in underwear. No one is going to see the pad even if my pants fall off. Why don't they solve problems we actually have?

With all the research they put into these products, I'm sure someone could have developed a pill to stop menstruation entirely.

The only marketing that actually works for me is when they send me a coupon for a free box. Then I try the new thing and if I like it better, I switch. I don't know what works for other women, but I don't think I'm going to have a lot in common with someone who needs their pantiliners to come in leopard print.

[sciarra]

I use a "Diva" menstrual cup. Because I am SO fussy that I will only use a latex cup that I have to dump the menstrual blood out of into the toilet and rinse before reinserting.

[seryn]

I haven't tried that. Seemed like something likely to be fraught with peril.... But on the other hand, the trash is very discreet.

[sciarra]

I used a Keeper for the first ten years that I had one and just bought a new one recently. I liked the silicon version of the Diva cup better, but your screed on names reminded me how silly I thought this name was. However, I love menstrual cups! You never have to buy tampons or pads, and they hold a fair amount. Later in my flow, I can go 24 hours without worrying which I'd never do with a tampon.