seryn: flowers (Default)
[personal profile] seryn
I freaking love Stiles. The rest of it is kind of useless, but Stiles is awesome.

The scene with the guidance counselor and Stiles where they talk about drowning is amazing.

Stiles has just seen a drowned and resurrected guy, then become serial killer, drowned to death. He claims not to feel anything about that and even describes drowning as the moment of joy when desperation overrides instinct and you take that breath underwater. That you can't make yourself breathe no matter how much you want to until your head is about to explode.

Then Stiles is asked how he's doing and he says that he is jumpy all the time and always looking out for danger and can't sleep and can't sit still until it feels like he can't breathe.

The guidance counselor says, "It's like you're drowning." When Stiles agrees with this, she tells him to keep his mouth closed and wait to take that breath.

He asks if she missed the exploding head part.

She says if he holds on, there will be more time, more time to swim to the surface, more time to be rescued.

But remember that he's just watched someone killed this way and feels nothing. So the guidance counselor kind of mangled the part about Stiles deserving rescuing, being worth saving, because he's not a serial killer even if it feels like they're dying the same way.

That has been a hard lesson for me. I still have massive anxiety issues and it turns out I have to rescue myself. I was pushed under and held there for years, now there's no one holding me down, but I'm all tangled. I've tried to take that breath underwater and Stiles is right that the instinct is too strong to fight against. It's been unrelenting.
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