Smile and say thank you.
Nov. 24th, 2010 05:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serynI would like to offer some unsolicited advice to people who aren't here:
If someone gives you a handmade scarf as a gift, do not ask them how long they've been out of work. Really. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate you thinking of me!" is just fine, even if it's trite.
I made something for each of the librarians at the library that hosts the knitting group I teach at. Not everything came out perfectly, but I don't owe these people anything. I'm already volunteering my time there. If I make them something as a gift, then the response should never be, "How long have you been out of work."
___
Just because you know someone enough to call them and invite them to lunch with you does NOT mean you can offer "styling tips" or "fashion advice" or tell someone they should change their workout routine to include more energetic things.
I'm older than this woman and I do find it generally offensive when younger people offer advice on basic things "everyone" does. If it's practical advice, or time-sensitive information, or local stuff, then sure, that's neighborly sharing. But there is no way to offer someone "fashion advice" without it being insulting. If you think someone really needs help, you can say, "Oh, I got the new J.Jill catalog, did you get yours or should I bring it with me when we get coffee?"
Workout advice hasn't been hugely helpful because I have very different tastes than most people. I like to lift weights. Not that I am particularly good at it or improving fast or anything, but it's my favorite form of exercise. I like how I feel when I'm done and I don't mind doing it. I also like the results. This seems to be incredibly rare... especially since the usual perspective is "if you're not running, it doesn't count". I have sore feet all the time and I was mostly sedentary for 20 years. If I need to go fast, I'll drive. So sports seem like sociological experiments on how to alienate people who should otherwise get along.
I really don't understand it. I could honestly use more advice about which local yarn stores have the kind of sock yarn I want. Or new restaurants. Or that the grocery store has closed their parking lot. Or when I was looking for a dentist.
But people only offer advice on lame things. Even me, here.
If someone gives you a handmade scarf as a gift, do not ask them how long they've been out of work. Really. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate you thinking of me!" is just fine, even if it's trite.
I made something for each of the librarians at the library that hosts the knitting group I teach at. Not everything came out perfectly, but I don't owe these people anything. I'm already volunteering my time there. If I make them something as a gift, then the response should never be, "How long have you been out of work."
___
Just because you know someone enough to call them and invite them to lunch with you does NOT mean you can offer "styling tips" or "fashion advice" or tell someone they should change their workout routine to include more energetic things.
I'm older than this woman and I do find it generally offensive when younger people offer advice on basic things "everyone" does. If it's practical advice, or time-sensitive information, or local stuff, then sure, that's neighborly sharing. But there is no way to offer someone "fashion advice" without it being insulting. If you think someone really needs help, you can say, "Oh, I got the new J.Jill catalog, did you get yours or should I bring it with me when we get coffee?"
Workout advice hasn't been hugely helpful because I have very different tastes than most people. I like to lift weights. Not that I am particularly good at it or improving fast or anything, but it's my favorite form of exercise. I like how I feel when I'm done and I don't mind doing it. I also like the results. This seems to be incredibly rare... especially since the usual perspective is "if you're not running, it doesn't count". I have sore feet all the time and I was mostly sedentary for 20 years. If I need to go fast, I'll drive. So sports seem like sociological experiments on how to alienate people who should otherwise get along.
I really don't understand it. I could honestly use more advice about which local yarn stores have the kind of sock yarn I want. Or new restaurants. Or that the grocery store has closed their parking lot. Or when I was looking for a dentist.
But people only offer advice on lame things. Even me, here.
