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serynI would like to provide a public service announcement for those who suffer from geek social dysfunction. In polite circles, if someone does not reply to an email, but immediately replies to a second email; you should check the ratio of response to quoted context. If the quoted context exceeds the volume of new material, especially if the email does not include new or expanded topics, then it is a brush off. If you continue to correspond with someone who has done this, then they will gossip about you behind your back and tell all your other friends that you are inept and desperate.
There is an obvious problem with this that most geeks will fall prey to, which is there is no possible way to discern the difference between someone who was in Hawaii for two weeks who mistakenly deleted your email and someone who would prefer if you never bothered them again.
The easiest way to solve this is to A) develop metrics for acceptable email ratios and response times or B) assume that actually no one wants to talk to you and they were just too polite to say so. If you can decipher option A, then you can apply this to other people and it feels very much like a success. But option B is probably more accurate because most non-geeks think of geeks as being subhuman creatures that are best avoided.
I have mastered my metrics and have managed to socially cut someone dead using them. I know it was awkwardly accomplished and I barely managed it, but it worked. Now if this woman emails me again, she'll be the asshole who looks desperate, but I didn't have to say anything.
But for the most part I have realized that if someone is inconsiderate enough to do this, leave the electronic equivalent of a hand-minus-the-handshake hanging, then it's probably someone I don't want to have become a friend regardless. So when someone doesn't reply to my email, they have to initiate the next contact. I have a friend who is doing this recently, writing something, getting me to reply, then dropping the ball. So she has to start every conversation and it's getting more and more awkward. I try to throw her a bone by asking after her activities and stuff, but there is no volley. That means she really doesn't want to talk, she's preserving the contact for some reason that probably won't work out well for me because she'll play off this "I've been your friend for years" idea in an attempt to obligate me to help her out.
It's rather a lonely outlook to have. I cannot figure out if other people don't actually have friends and are really as shallow as their behavior indicates or if it's just me who is unlikable. Now that I can emulate the behavior, I'm actually thinking other people, especially the ones who do this innately, are just shallow people who are not worth my time. So I decided I should share the beginnings of the metrics I use to evaluate the situation.
There is an obvious problem with this that most geeks will fall prey to, which is there is no possible way to discern the difference between someone who was in Hawaii for two weeks who mistakenly deleted your email and someone who would prefer if you never bothered them again.
The easiest way to solve this is to A) develop metrics for acceptable email ratios and response times or B) assume that actually no one wants to talk to you and they were just too polite to say so. If you can decipher option A, then you can apply this to other people and it feels very much like a success. But option B is probably more accurate because most non-geeks think of geeks as being subhuman creatures that are best avoided.
I have mastered my metrics and have managed to socially cut someone dead using them. I know it was awkwardly accomplished and I barely managed it, but it worked. Now if this woman emails me again, she'll be the asshole who looks desperate, but I didn't have to say anything.
But for the most part I have realized that if someone is inconsiderate enough to do this, leave the electronic equivalent of a hand-minus-the-handshake hanging, then it's probably someone I don't want to have become a friend regardless. So when someone doesn't reply to my email, they have to initiate the next contact. I have a friend who is doing this recently, writing something, getting me to reply, then dropping the ball. So she has to start every conversation and it's getting more and more awkward. I try to throw her a bone by asking after her activities and stuff, but there is no volley. That means she really doesn't want to talk, she's preserving the contact for some reason that probably won't work out well for me because she'll play off this "I've been your friend for years" idea in an attempt to obligate me to help her out.
It's rather a lonely outlook to have. I cannot figure out if other people don't actually have friends and are really as shallow as their behavior indicates or if it's just me who is unlikable. Now that I can emulate the behavior, I'm actually thinking other people, especially the ones who do this innately, are just shallow people who are not worth my time. So I decided I should share the beginnings of the metrics I use to evaluate the situation.
