I think I mistook myself for a hat.
Jan. 17th, 2011 12:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serynRemind me to say something about Charlie St. Cloud, which we watched this past weekend.
However, I wanted to talk about something else.
I surprise myself sometimes. I don't think of myself as especially kind or useful or interesting. But I think I might be wrong, at least somewhat.
I volunteer at the knitting group but they boxed me into it and I couldn't escape without making a huge fuss. I didn't concede gracefully either.
My brother, once, um, 20 years ago, said that I was a horrible person because I wouldn't lend him money but would open doors for strangers. There was this weird situation where the exit doors weren't all unlocked but if one exited through an unlocked door, one could open other doors by pushing the release bar. It cost me 20 seconds to help hundreds of people save several minutes and the risk of crowd-crushing.
I never think of myself as interesting, but yesterday a Big Name person in the knitting/spinning/weaving world left my fiber blog a (very positive) comment. And one of my friends loved on me because of something I said offhand in a chat recently. (A parenthetical aside about how people never turn off comments unless they're wrong and don't want to deal with it.) And Simon laughed so hard last night that he needed to set his bowl of salad down so he didn't slosh--- and I was telling him about his middle of the night "phone call"... Simon doesn't sleepwalk, he sleep-phones with an invisible phone. I imitated him and he not only wasn't offended, he was shaking with laughter.
But today someone called and asked a really bizarre question about stuff Simon had written 15 years ago, back when having your phone number online wasn't completely idiotic. I tried to help the woman with the information she needed and my ideas were completely out of date. I haven't thought about that stuff since 1998, so it's not a huge surprise. I did a quick search and called her back. The woman was stunned that I would do this. But I found exactly what she needed and it was much easier to call her than to ruminate on how I should have checked before telling her the first time. I have something like a thousand cell minutes per month and they don't roll over. I use about 15. Simon uses maybe a couple hundred if he works from home, so it wasn't going to cost me anything to call the woman. (And we are going to upgrade to the new phone service the ISP is offering so we can get unlimited landline calling again, which really isn't worth it when it costs $40, but is certainly worth subtracting $12 from our current bill to get as an added feature. Seriously, I'd save $12 to get more bandwidth and never have to deal with AT&T again plus get free long distance. I'm only waiting so I don't call them on a holiday.)
It is a lot easier to help a complete stranger. I think that's because there was no expectation so they honestly appreciate it more. And because there's no expectation of continuing the interaction. I don't like to lend money. I hated the idea that because someone was "family" that I owed them my kindness and sacrifice.
I had 25 years of being told I wasn't nice by my parents and sibling, and that no one would be interested in what I had to say, and that I wasn't even useful to have around. That perspective is the one I hold internally. But, I'm finally starting to realize, it's not true, or not entirely so. I'm not especially kind or useful or interesting, but I'm not so much worse than the average person.
I just like strangers better than my blood relatives.
However, I wanted to talk about something else.
I surprise myself sometimes. I don't think of myself as especially kind or useful or interesting. But I think I might be wrong, at least somewhat.
I volunteer at the knitting group but they boxed me into it and I couldn't escape without making a huge fuss. I didn't concede gracefully either.
My brother, once, um, 20 years ago, said that I was a horrible person because I wouldn't lend him money but would open doors for strangers. There was this weird situation where the exit doors weren't all unlocked but if one exited through an unlocked door, one could open other doors by pushing the release bar. It cost me 20 seconds to help hundreds of people save several minutes and the risk of crowd-crushing.
I never think of myself as interesting, but yesterday a Big Name person in the knitting/spinning/weaving world left my fiber blog a (very positive) comment. And one of my friends loved on me because of something I said offhand in a chat recently. (A parenthetical aside about how people never turn off comments unless they're wrong and don't want to deal with it.) And Simon laughed so hard last night that he needed to set his bowl of salad down so he didn't slosh--- and I was telling him about his middle of the night "phone call"... Simon doesn't sleepwalk, he sleep-phones with an invisible phone. I imitated him and he not only wasn't offended, he was shaking with laughter.
But today someone called and asked a really bizarre question about stuff Simon had written 15 years ago, back when having your phone number online wasn't completely idiotic. I tried to help the woman with the information she needed and my ideas were completely out of date. I haven't thought about that stuff since 1998, so it's not a huge surprise. I did a quick search and called her back. The woman was stunned that I would do this. But I found exactly what she needed and it was much easier to call her than to ruminate on how I should have checked before telling her the first time. I have something like a thousand cell minutes per month and they don't roll over. I use about 15. Simon uses maybe a couple hundred if he works from home, so it wasn't going to cost me anything to call the woman. (And we are going to upgrade to the new phone service the ISP is offering so we can get unlimited landline calling again, which really isn't worth it when it costs $40, but is certainly worth subtracting $12 from our current bill to get as an added feature. Seriously, I'd save $12 to get more bandwidth and never have to deal with AT&T again plus get free long distance. I'm only waiting so I don't call them on a holiday.)
It is a lot easier to help a complete stranger. I think that's because there was no expectation so they honestly appreciate it more. And because there's no expectation of continuing the interaction. I don't like to lend money. I hated the idea that because someone was "family" that I owed them my kindness and sacrifice.
I had 25 years of being told I wasn't nice by my parents and sibling, and that no one would be interested in what I had to say, and that I wasn't even useful to have around. That perspective is the one I hold internally. But, I'm finally starting to realize, it's not true, or not entirely so. I'm not especially kind or useful or interesting, but I'm not so much worse than the average person.
I just like strangers better than my blood relatives.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-18 12:12 am (UTC)Well, I proved that wrong. :P~
no subject
Date: 2011-01-18 01:58 am (UTC)I hope you're doing better since you seemed to have a lot of woe recently.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-18 02:54 am (UTC)I am fine. I am always fine. And I will always be fine. BUT, yes, lots of woe. ~sigh~ Thank you.
My niece went through hell this weekend and it is going to take awhile for things to feel anywhere near normal for her. And when you post on here with comments off (some of us do even when we are not wrong about something *cough*) and it filters to FB there is no way to stop comments. But at least there you can answer in one fell swoop.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-18 03:22 am (UTC)2) Facebook is the demon-spawn. If it crossposts locked posts, I think I'd never tell my accounts about each other or I'd drop one of them. Ew!
-----
Even if I'm not talking about you, you can't say that you haven't noticed it? That the things people say with comments off are the times when you really want to reply? It's not always negative comments either. A shocking number of LJ people turn comments off when they announce it's their birthday. I really don't get that and it's hard to stop the knee-jerk reaction to reply to that.
I get email from people if I turn comments off. It's universal enough that if I'm feeling cynical I have to talk myself out of turning comments off on a post purposefully. It worked that way in your case. I actually had the email window open and was typing in the box when I realized I was disrespecting your overt wishes and responding to the tacit social rules to express sympathy regardless of how supportive I was actually feeling.
Usually when I see a post with comments off, it's because the person is whinging and knows they're wrong about it. I write those whines on occasion myself, but I want them to be hidden from my friends who will call me on it. It's the anti-friends-lock kind of post.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-18 04:07 am (UTC)Most of my posts about my situation are not locked for the express purpose that secrets are wrong when it concerns childhood sexual abuse (and some other things) and I want that to filter to my FB for that reason. Occasionally I lock something here and then copy/paste it open to FB, like my last locked post. I didn't have comments off on that one, but was feeling just vulnerable enough to lock it here and on LJ.
Even "worse"? I opened my FB about 2 months to "viewable to everyone" for my wall posts. No secrets. I may lock it down again, in time, but for now I am focused on opening up instead of closing down. It is a tricky tricky thing for me.
And locked posts do not filter from LJ to FB. I have FB grabs my LJ posts, not linked from the LJ side because LJ annoys me. I still have that journal because of a select few peeps I like still over there. (The rest are here and on FB.)
It may be my particular f'list, or my sporadic reading of it, but I do see a lot of locked posts that are simply whinging. And a birthday post that with comments off is not understandable to me. But, eh, it doesn't need to be understandable to me. *g*
For me, I turn comments off when I feel the "have to" answer all of the replies would be overwhelming, even (or maybe especially) when I know the comments will be kind and loving. I understand how much that flies in the face of some of the Work I am doing spiritually, but some steps do come in baby size.
However, when I turn comments off, anyone is always free to email w/o fear of me being upset by that. The comments off is to avoid a ton of comments at once, not to prevent those who truly wish to say something. Ok?