Hiding under a mushroom: What irks me about the food police.

[seryn]

I want to complain about something.

Where do people get off telling me I shouldn't eat iceburg lettuce? I get that it doesn't have vitamins or minerals. But it also doesn't have a lot of calories and has a lot of crunchy texture. What's the problem? It's not like I'm anorexic and if I fill up on lettuce I won't eat any real food. That's not likely to happen and if it did happen every once in a while, it wouldn't be a crisis given my current body resources.

It completely pisses me off when it's a mushroom-eating vegetarian who says it. Mushrooms have no nutrition either. And compared to iceburg lettuce, which texture would you rather eat? Mushrooms are kind of disgusting. And they're certainly pointless in terms of vitamins or minerals or calories.

The other food thing that irks me is when people tell me I should get rid of anything in my home that has white flour.

I like white flour for a lot of things. It's good in gravy. If you're going to make stew, you really need it. If you're frying chicken, you have to have it.

Plus "whole wheat" flour is just white flour with some ground bran thrown in. It's not a whole grain flour with the germ ground in. Kind of like brown sugar, which is not sugar that hasn't been all the way processed like turbinado, but white sugar with some molasses stirred in.

Do you want to know why most people prefer to eat out and only eat pre-made foods at home? Some of it is laziness, obviously. Some of the people don't know how to cook. But a large part of it is these stupid rules that make it impossible to have a pleasant dining experience.

I make coffee at home and I put regular sugar in it. The coffee woman goes out for coffee and gets it flavored with a shot of syrup. That's even worse because it's full of preservatives and fake stuff. She tells me I should stop using sugar and use that new cactus-derived stuff--- the same plant they use to make tequila. She pays $4.50 for corn syrup sweetened coffee almost every day. But I shouldn't have real sugar in my home. Even though I pay less than $4.50 per week for my coffee and can drink it in my pajamas and don't have to fight for a seat.

If I didn't have sugar at home, I'd probably go out for coffee too because the coffee house coffee would taste so much better.

The more foods we have decided should not be allowed at home, the less likely we are to cook for ourselves. Whenever you cook at home, you eat less fat, less salt, less sugar, less processed fake crud.... it's almost inherently superior to any restaurant food. But people can't understand that and keep harping on stupid fads that make eating at home extremely unpleasant.

How about this. I'll eat whatever kind of lettuce at home that happens to appeal to me at the store for under a buck. And none of you who complain are invited to join me.

Comments

[hugh_mannity]

Oh saints preserve me from the food police!

I take lunch to work most days. It's almost always leftovers. And almost always cooked from scratch with real ingredients. No fake fats, pretend flavours or artificial sweeteners. I need to eat low-carb to keep my blood sugar stable, and most of the time I do just great without any medication.

But from time to time my co-workers will rag on me for drinking coffee with cream or eating sausages (which I get from a butcher who makes them himself and which make a great breakfast cold) because of the fat content. They do this while eating low fat microwaved drek, drinking diet soda, and rarely eating real home cooked food. When they do cook it's almost always Weight Watchers recipes which are full of fakery.

I might have a problem with sugar metabolism, but I bet dollars to donuts(!) I eat more healthily than they do.

[seryn]

It's really annoying when people get up in your grill with false information. I think all these rules about what people shouldn't eat at home are promoted by the restaurant industry. I noticed when I go out for coffee that they have half&half and a lot of people use it there. I bet most of them don't buy half&half at home. So they have skim or 2% milk at home (which is actually bad for you if they fortify it with milk solids because it dramatically increases your lactose exposure and the overall calorie savings is minimal) and they think coffee at home doesn't taste as good.

Those low-fat microwave meals usually have ungodly amounts of salt and sugar in them.

I think I'd smile and ask if they were jealous next time. :-)

Most days I cook 3 hot meals at home. It's shocking how enormously costly restaurant meals are in terms of money and calories. Friday I went out and had a cheeseburger, fries, and a shake and spent $11. There was definitely enough food that I should have saved half for later. I was unable to go to the gym after lunch because I didn't think they could roll me through the door. But I surely felt better--- I've been kind of drag-ass all week--- and I brought my library books with me so if someone saw me I didn't have to tell them I was sneaking off for fries.

That's the worst part of this. The people who come around acting like they know better than you.

I admit that I don't really want to eat at your house... but you keep talking about putting peppers in things. I loathe bell peppers and they detest me. But I make really great lentil soup with meatballs and those gigantic Lebanese couscous.

[hugh_mannity]

Oh I can cook without peppers. When I'm cooking just for myself, then I cook what I like. When I'm cooking for guests, then I always ask about allergies, dislikes, likes, etc. I have a very good friend who can't eat lamb, so I make chicken biryani for her, but if I'm making it for myself, then I want lamb most of the time.

I once cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 4 omnivores, 3 ovo-lacto vegetarians, 2 vegans, and one person with celiac disease. There were 2 main dishes: a turkey and a vegan baked stuffed squash. All the sides were vegan as were the desserts, except for the cheesecake (which was ovo-lacto vegetarian friendly). It was a lot of work, but worth it.

[seryn]

I'm not as nice as you. People either eat what we're having or they go the fuck home.

Admittedly if I invite people over, I do try to be aware, because otherwise you shouldn't bother issuing invitations, but all these diets make eating with people like talking to people after the proverbial Tower of Babel.

Once I was at a Jewish friend's parents' house with another Catholic friend (this was when I was in college) on a Friday during Lent. In order to make the macaroni and cheese healthier, it was full of diced red and green bell peppers. I politely ate one serving, edging the peppers to the side of my plate. I got this enormous hassle. I got that it was really hard for the friend's mother to make something that suited everyone, so I felt that I handled it appropriately and she was really rude to tell me I must consume vegetables. I told her that peppers disagreed with me and she wanted to see the card from my doctor saying I'm allergic (like they used to give cards to diabetics, but never have for allergies). I don't have any clue whether I'm officially allergic enough for it to "count" but the burping for days afterward is irritating enough that I avoid eating them. Weirdly I've noticed that the kinds of houses where people cook with lots of bell peppers tend to be the kinds of houses where they're complete bitches about what you choose to eat. Somehow it was okay for them to be Jewish and not have meat and dairy on the same day; somehow it was okay for it to be Lenten food (vegetarian +fish); but it wasn't okay for me to dislike something but politely not eat that.

Long story to get to the point.... and since you didn't invite me and live an eighth of the way around the world from here and I don't fly, it's not likely to come up.

[ames]

There's a blog I read the other day where she summed up her eating advice something like this: Eat food. Stuff you like. As much as you want.

Her point is that if people are just left alone, we tend to make wise eating choices. And that sometimes "as much as you want" is "none at all." The link.

A quote:

Trust that, ultimately, you’re the one who must decide what to do.

So, in the service of that, I offer you this:

Eat food. Stuff you like. As much as you want.
Far from being irresponsible, this is, in fact, the only unsolicited advice anyone has any business to offer another person.

And until you’ve accepted it as your irrevocable right as a human being, my opinions on nutrition don’t really matter much.

I found it very interesting, and your post makes me think you might be interested as well. I haven't read anything else on her blog, but I approvestamped the heck out of this post.

[ames]

also, I freaking LOVE iceburg lettuce. It's the only lettuce that I want on a ham-and-cheese sandwich.

[seryn]

I don't like lettuce on sandwiches, but I hear you. Iceburg is flat and it doesn't cause structural failure to the sandwich construction like a lot of the smooth-but-curly lettuces (they get really slick and the leaves are smaller, so you need several in a layer and the effect could be used to model plate tectonics.)

We usually have red leaf lettuce because of all the people around here dissing iceburg, it's frightfully expensive and often sad looking because it's aged at the store. But I still buy it occasionally.

[seryn]

I did go out for a cheeseburger on Friday. I talked myself into it and felt a lot better afterward... it had iceburg lettuce. So you're right about that being the right kind of lettuce for a lot of sandwiches.

[seryn]

I do really like that blog. Thanks for linking it. I like other posts she's done a lot more than the applicable one, but I liked that one enough to go find more. I'll probably subscribe to that... [and I don't have issues with checking my RSS feeds ;-) ]

One of the other posts talked about questions people had about their eating habits and things they wanted to change. The majority of people wanted to learn how to eat in front of other people without being self-conscious about their choices. I think that might be part of why I prefer to eat at home.

And it's certainly why I brought my library books with me when I went out for a cheeseburger on Friday, so if anyone asked me where I was going, I wouldn't have to lie but I wouldn't have to defend being a fat woman who wanted a chocolate milkshake.

[thistleingrey]

Eh, food police. I do prefer mushrooms to lettuce, but I don't think that one is a replacement for the other. I don't particularly like the generic white mushrooms sold by most supermarkets. Other mushrooms do have some nutritional value. *shrugs*

I suppose that a food-policer would say that gravy isn't healthy, partly because of its inclusion of white flour. I wouldn't know (and not only because I am not a food-police person); I never got used having to gravy on things because I didn't grow up eating it, and I don't like the taste or consistency. If it comes on something at a restaurant, I scrape it to one side. One can certainly thicken stew without white flour ground from wheat kernels AND without cornstarch, at any rate. (And without cream.)

Agave syrup is not new. I agree that it's silly for the coffee woman to differentiate between types of sweetener, under the circumstances. (If she boiled her own simple syrup--which is just supersaturated sugar water--it wouldn't have the preservatives, but it'd also be more glucose and fructose per serving than your granulated sugar.)

[seryn]

I don't see any difference between iceburg lettuce and mushrooms nutritionally. It's a personal preference. I like crunchy food. When I discovered that lettuce hits the same "note" that potato chips do, it was useful and important to me because it allowed me to be happy with what I was eating without consuming vast numbers of calories that I didn't want or need.

It was also weird that anyone would complain about my eating low calorie food.

I've known anorexic people, the ones who are skeletally thin and unable to stand the sight of food... those people shouldn't be wasting stomach space on iceburg lettuce.

I think a lot of people in California don't like gravy. We've been told for years and years that it's unhealthy. It's okay if people don't want gravy. But telling me I shouldn't have white flour at home? That's just ridiculous. When I say, "But how do you make gravy?" their eyes bug out worse than if you offered them melted butter as a beverage. And yet... the same people eat pre-packaged cookie dough.

It's weird how people get obsessed on things but only for homemade food. When they eat out or buy prepared food, they pay no attention to anything but how it tastes. Then they say they don't like to eat at home because they don't cook very well. Well, yeah, if you've hobbled yourself, it's hard to make great strides.

I'm using about 2 teaspoons of sugar in a 24oz mug of coffee (that I drink half of and refrigerate the rest for tomorrow.) I'm really not worried about it. I looked at the cactus syrup at the store and it's extremely expensive. It comes in small bottles and they each cost more than a 5-pound bag of sugar that will last me for months if I'm not making jam or caramels. But "Agave syrup is much healthier!"--- my mental addition was "... to the manufacturer's pocketbook." But since this was from someone who goes out for frou-frou coffee daily, money is obviously not an issue.

[thistleingrey]

I usually use baby spinach (it's flat!) in a sandwich where others might put iceberg lettuce. One objection I've seen to iceberg is that some people feel compelled to flavor it with high-calorie dressing. If you're eating it for its texture, that's different (regardless).

Agreed that there's a false dichotomy re: flour in gravy and, especially, pre-packaged cookie dough. I suspect that some of the people annoying you here are people who don't know much about what any meal comprises when broken down into ingredients, and who wouldn't recognize half the ingredients as pertinent if asked which ones were part of that meal. *shrugs* I don't bake much for the same reason as the gravy--I'm not used to it, and thus I don't miss it--but I do know the differences in content amongst the cookies at a Starbucks, the cookies from frozen dough at the supermarket, and the (e.g.) cranberry-chocolate chip oat cookies I know how to make.

Agave is a hell of a lot cheaper in Los Angeles, I've noticed, not because people buy more of it there (though that may also be true) but because it's closer geographically to where agave-the-plant is grown. Meanwhile, apples are cheaper where I live than in Los Angeles, for the same reason. *shrugs again* Agave syrup is considered healthier than granulated sugar because it's less sweet per ounce and because most people are less sparing than you with your coffee mug: that is, it's a subjective assessment in several ways, not only the obvious ones. I agree with the less-bad-for-you part re: agave, but I also think you're right that the kneejerk reaction of someone who hasn't thought stuff through is, um, rather lacking.

[sciarra]

I'm a wedge-iceberg-lettuce-with-bleu-cheese-dressing-at-fancy-restaurants-eater!

And I was never a gravy fan until C's mom made me her biscuits and gravy. Love love love that breakfast. It's among my top 10 favorite meals.

But, then again, I love food. I sometimes feel guilty for my choices, but those are not the ones that make me feel bad. It's stopping for a Dairy Queen blizzard or something that I sometimes have to rethink.

[seryn]

I'd love to do that.... stop at DQ. I see the commercials occasionally but I don't think I've seen a Dairy Queen in a decade or more.

Biscuits and gravy. MMMMMM.

It's not that people like different things that gets to me. It's the way the food rules change for spurious and unscientific reasons and how the bandwagon gets really full suddenly and all those people feel like they should use the height of the wagon bed and the strength of numbers to be complete bitches to anyone who goes their own way.

You probably shouldn't have let on to Thistle that you like bleu cheese dressing, you kind of substantiated her point that the problem with iceburg lettuce is the dressing. I still think anyone who eats mushrooms should shut up about iceburg lettuce though.

[sciarra]

I think she was just pointing out that one thing people point out about iceberg in particular (although salads in general) if one is eating them to lose weight is that the dressing can negate all the minimal calories of the lettuce--I don't think she was making a judgment one way or the other since neither of us is treating lettuce as the dietary calorie savior. I think its funny that some nicer restaurants have the iceberg wedge--it's made a comeback! But only because of the bleu cheese, I think.

I think you and I eat to enjoy but also think about some of our food choices and what would be a satisfying but healthy replacement. Iceberg over potato chips? Win. Eating an apple and string cheese for lunch for me instead of the stuff in the canteen? Win.

Honestly, if I can get a few foods a day that haven't had much done to them into me, I count that successful. Apples, avocados, spinach, and tofu have been saving me lately.

[thistleingrey]

Yup--no judgment intended.

Few people believe me when I say I've never dieted to lose weight, but I really don't think about food that way. Having a relatively rapid metabolism is the other half of it, I guess.

[thistleingrey]

:) I like food, too. It's convenient being able to feel full after eating enough; sometimes it's inconvenient to feel full after only a little of something very dense, but that's the logical tradeoff, I guess. (I can't finish a blizzard.)

[seryn]

Can anyone finish a Blizzard? Those are huge and dense.

Mostly I see the commercials on tv and think "Oooh! I could go out for ice cream! It would be fun!"

Of course it probably wouldn't be fun. Most things aren't. Disneyland doesn't post average pedometer readings or tell you from the outside that they don't really have drinking fountains and bottled water sells for more than $30/gallon.

It's probably better that they just taunt me with the commercials. Then I can have the dream without reality intruding.

[pj]

And none of you who complain are invited to join me.

*laughs and laughs*

I hear you even though I don't eat iceberg lettuce anymore. Once I discovered Romaine I never went back. I don't need to pay for a lettuce that is mostly water, I drink plenty. When I die I will bequeath you all the iceberg lettuce in my corner of the world. :-D

(I cook with peppers, but seeing as you already knew what a bitch I can be I figured you knew that already). ;-)

[seryn]

I usually buy red leaf lettuce. The stores here have romaine and green leaf lettuce. One of them is just nasty and I can't always tell which is which by looking, so I buy the one I can detect as being safe because of the obvious coloration.

I went for Thai food with the coffee woman and lunch comes with a small salad. It is mostly iceberg lettuce with carrot and cucumber and a bit of dressing on. She told me I shouldn't eat that because iceberg lettuce has no nutrition. Then she proceeded to order a mushroom & tofu thing.

I think the coffee woman appeared in my life so I could stop the volunteer gig but maintain the same level of irritation to keep up my nacre levels.

Most people like bell peppers a lot. They've got lots of vitamins that could be extremely difficult to get in colder climates during the winter. I don't mind hot peppers myself, but those do get used in smaller quantities generally.

I was really offended when that friend's mother gave me such a hassle. It happened like 18 years ago and I still resent it whenever I happen upon that memory. I have no idea what else I could have done. I was served something absolutely disgusting because it fit everyone's religious dietary restrictions and when I did my best eating it (only pulling aside things that make me actually ill) it's pretty harsh to have her complain. In retrospect, I think my behavior was fine. And now that I'm approaching the same age she was then, I can tell you that there's no magic adulthood ritual after which you have complete understanding and always say the right thing.

Thinking about it, if Simon called and said I needed to make food for a vegetarian, a Muslim, and a Lenten Catholic.... we'd go out for Chinese to the place near here that will make their soup vegan-friendly. (Most of our Jewish friends don't keep their own dietary restrictions, for whatever reasons.) So I have some idea how impossible the task was to feed 6 people whose food restrictions included no meat with zero notice in the middle of the midwest.

Simon's mother keeps pushing bell peppers on me whenever we visit her. Her house only has one bathroom. It's a bad combination. I finally told her that I couldn't eat that. Then I got this lecture about vitamin C and how I was going to get scurvy and die.

It's really weird. I also don't eat fish (the meat restrictions on that guest lunch were partially my fault). But vegetarians are so common around here that doesn't get the raised eyebrows anywhere nearly as much as the bell peppers. Even though it's the second most common food allergy behind strawberries.

It's not likely to come up that I'll be eating at your house since you're on the other side of the country too and also haven't invited me. Should I be uncouth enough to just show up, we'd go out and I'd buy. Then you could eat all the peppers you wanted.

[pj]

Leaf lettuce is bitter and tastes like dirty grass. I do not like it. Red Romaine is probably what your referring to.

I think that woman who called you out was incredibly rude. She probably felt justified because of being taught that polite people eat what is served, but that was never meant to include foods that made you ill and Miss Manners would have fwapped her.

I think the majority of people I cook for do not like bell peppers a lot, but it varies from "likes better cooked" and "likes better raw". Raw ones are the killers for residual burping for me. The hubster does not like them, but can eat them cooked in small amounts and that is how I use them. I do not cook with them as often as I said ~ I was messing with you because of your bitch comment. :-D

You are welcome in my house whenever you are within 100 miles of me. And I would never serve you something that makes you ill. I would never serve anybody something that makes them ill. I can't even imagine contemplating doing so.

[seryn]

Sometimes I think there should be required reading in etiquette. It would help if we were all following the same rules.