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serynOne of the hardest things about the move to DW from LJ is people I might have wanted to befriend cannot find out anything about me. I feel like a creepy stalker person PMing someone because of a post they had years ago.
Worse, because almost everyone interesting developed the habit of locking posts on LJ, I get the sense that I am missing huge swaths of the big picture. So the other person might be exactly what I feared appearing like.
But someone has to go first. No one is going to notice me being lonely if I'm not even wallflowering and just stayed home.
Shockingly one of my last posts on LJ was about a fear of being agoraphobic. I still believe that is something I can prevent by going places. But there are so many uncontrolled things that happen when I leave home. Most of them are actually horrible. It seems reasonable to be afraid of that.
At the new² dentist I explained that I wasn't afraid of dentists, but I wasn't keen on things hurting. I said I wanted to warn him that I didn't numb up well and to always check. I'd warned him I wasn't a good patient and was extremely picky. He said, last time, that I was an excellent patient and wholly reasonable. He kind of looks horrified when I tell him a previous dentist didn't numb people. It seems rational to be afraid of that, but that dentist told me I was a terrible patient and no dentist would want to see me. So I started shopping around for dentists who deal with skittish patients. Those dentists are thrilled by how easy to deal with I am, and I never have someone drilling out 70% of my tooth without numbing it.
I don't like trying to make new friends because, honestly, it's a lot like having dental work. There's a cavity and it hurts. It hurts more as time goes on, sometimes it hurts when you do certain things. Eventually you put yourself forth and get it fixed. It costs a lot of money, it hurts a lot, and something artificial is jammed into your mouth where it might or might not feel right.
My sandwich from yesterday was vastly improved by a smear of mustard. I wonder how they could miss that it needed a tang element. Pickle relish, mustard, stronger vinegrette on the side salad. Something. It's very interesting that they didn't quite manage it. I worry about taking someone else there even though I really enjoyed my own experience. And I wrote to someone else whose blog I read who recently moved nearby with my eye on taking her with me next time. I might have to look for another option.
And yes. All this really does tie together in my head. I have a good dentist so I should be able to make new friends.
Worse, because almost everyone interesting developed the habit of locking posts on LJ, I get the sense that I am missing huge swaths of the big picture. So the other person might be exactly what I feared appearing like.
But someone has to go first. No one is going to notice me being lonely if I'm not even wallflowering and just stayed home.
Shockingly one of my last posts on LJ was about a fear of being agoraphobic. I still believe that is something I can prevent by going places. But there are so many uncontrolled things that happen when I leave home. Most of them are actually horrible. It seems reasonable to be afraid of that.
At the new² dentist I explained that I wasn't afraid of dentists, but I wasn't keen on things hurting. I said I wanted to warn him that I didn't numb up well and to always check. I'd warned him I wasn't a good patient and was extremely picky. He said, last time, that I was an excellent patient and wholly reasonable. He kind of looks horrified when I tell him a previous dentist didn't numb people. It seems rational to be afraid of that, but that dentist told me I was a terrible patient and no dentist would want to see me. So I started shopping around for dentists who deal with skittish patients. Those dentists are thrilled by how easy to deal with I am, and I never have someone drilling out 70% of my tooth without numbing it.
I don't like trying to make new friends because, honestly, it's a lot like having dental work. There's a cavity and it hurts. It hurts more as time goes on, sometimes it hurts when you do certain things. Eventually you put yourself forth and get it fixed. It costs a lot of money, it hurts a lot, and something artificial is jammed into your mouth where it might or might not feel right.
My sandwich from yesterday was vastly improved by a smear of mustard. I wonder how they could miss that it needed a tang element. Pickle relish, mustard, stronger vinegrette on the side salad. Something. It's very interesting that they didn't quite manage it. I worry about taking someone else there even though I really enjoyed my own experience. And I wrote to someone else whose blog I read who recently moved nearby with my eye on taking her with me next time. I might have to look for another option.
And yes. All this really does tie together in my head. I have a good dentist so I should be able to make new friends.
