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I wrote this out last night and wondered whether I wanted to share. But I'm going to re-write it instead, and we'll see how I set the security after I'm done. If you don't see this post, it's because it was too sensitive.
Simon suggested that I might be a good tech recruiter because I'm so much more extroverted than I was. I took this really badly. There are a number of specific reasons why this didn't set well, but there are also over-arching sociological implications that upset me. One of the things that a lot of people don't know is that there is a separate subculture for geeks. Geek culture has different mannerisms, behavioral cues, and dialogue interchange is paced and signaled counter-intuitively (according to outsiders). In a lot of ways it's a similar exclusivity as Deaf culture. You have to belong and if you don't belong, everyone who does belong can tell and they hate you for it. Because they have created their own sense of belonging by being a group that is inherently discriminated against but who have banded together into a distinct subculture. Geeks pwn in a lot of California, especially in tech pockets where Java isn't slang jargon for coffee and Spring isn't just a season.
I have never been Deaf. And like a lot of hearing people I find a lot of Deaf cultural mannerisms offensive and intrusive. --- They touch people without any sort of precursors, because it's the "ahem" or the walking loudly before speaking. And I'm not good with being touched by people unexpectedly. So I get how it feels aggressive to outsiders.
Probably the geek cultural mannerisms read differently to outsiders too. In fact there's actually some sociologist's commentary on "fanspeak" that talks about this specifically in terms of eye contact and interruptions and labile movement.
For Simon to tell me that I would be a good recruiter means that he thinks I've lost my "geek accent" and look like a normal person. Which isn't like moving from Georgia to California for a job in terms of belonging... it's like getting a cochlear implant would be for someone Deaf. It's considered a complete rejection of everything that makes you part of the group. A deliberate rejection of everything your peers and friends are.
Oddly, I am a lot more capable of surviving outside of geek culture now. Maturity and practice help, but when I interact with normal women (like tonight) I'm spending a lot of time watching for those body language cues that tell me when I've overstepped. I recognize those now. I can't always stop myself and come across bitchy and intolerant a lot of the time and snarky the rest of the time. Normal people don't like me for very long. I try not to expect them to just disappear, but emotionally everyone I meet is like meeting your tent mates at summer camp. You'll all promise to stay in touch after camp but you won't even get a Christmas email because no one means it once they're back in their normal lives. I've gotten really good at making friends because I treat everyone I meet like someone I've lived with all summer. And I'm able to withstand the constant rejection because I know most of them won't be back at camp next year.... and this analogy doesn't make sense because I didn't go to camp....
But having Simon say that I'm no longer the kind of person he wants to know, and we used to make fun of extroverted people together, like "Why do extroverted people talk so much? Because their brains overheat without the constant air flow."
For him to say that I would be a good recruiter is like saying, "You are no longer part of my world because you have rejected everything I believe in."
Simon suggested that I might be a good tech recruiter because I'm so much more extroverted than I was. I took this really badly. There are a number of specific reasons why this didn't set well, but there are also over-arching sociological implications that upset me. One of the things that a lot of people don't know is that there is a separate subculture for geeks. Geek culture has different mannerisms, behavioral cues, and dialogue interchange is paced and signaled counter-intuitively (according to outsiders). In a lot of ways it's a similar exclusivity as Deaf culture. You have to belong and if you don't belong, everyone who does belong can tell and they hate you for it. Because they have created their own sense of belonging by being a group that is inherently discriminated against but who have banded together into a distinct subculture. Geeks pwn in a lot of California, especially in tech pockets where Java isn't slang jargon for coffee and Spring isn't just a season.
I have never been Deaf. And like a lot of hearing people I find a lot of Deaf cultural mannerisms offensive and intrusive. --- They touch people without any sort of precursors, because it's the "ahem" or the walking loudly before speaking. And I'm not good with being touched by people unexpectedly. So I get how it feels aggressive to outsiders.
Probably the geek cultural mannerisms read differently to outsiders too. In fact there's actually some sociologist's commentary on "fanspeak" that talks about this specifically in terms of eye contact and interruptions and labile movement.
For Simon to tell me that I would be a good recruiter means that he thinks I've lost my "geek accent" and look like a normal person. Which isn't like moving from Georgia to California for a job in terms of belonging... it's like getting a cochlear implant would be for someone Deaf. It's considered a complete rejection of everything that makes you part of the group. A deliberate rejection of everything your peers and friends are.
Oddly, I am a lot more capable of surviving outside of geek culture now. Maturity and practice help, but when I interact with normal women (like tonight) I'm spending a lot of time watching for those body language cues that tell me when I've overstepped. I recognize those now. I can't always stop myself and come across bitchy and intolerant a lot of the time and snarky the rest of the time. Normal people don't like me for very long. I try not to expect them to just disappear, but emotionally everyone I meet is like meeting your tent mates at summer camp. You'll all promise to stay in touch after camp but you won't even get a Christmas email because no one means it once they're back in their normal lives. I've gotten really good at making friends because I treat everyone I meet like someone I've lived with all summer. And I'm able to withstand the constant rejection because I know most of them won't be back at camp next year.... and this analogy doesn't make sense because I didn't go to camp....
But having Simon say that I'm no longer the kind of person he wants to know, and we used to make fun of extroverted people together, like "Why do extroverted people talk so much? Because their brains overheat without the constant air flow."
For him to say that I would be a good recruiter is like saying, "You are no longer part of my world because you have rejected everything I believe in."
